I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
