You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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