so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
