Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
COCAINE IS GR8
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
