I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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