ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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