I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
