So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
