I wish my penis had an off switch
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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