i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
