The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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