Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
