took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
