its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
