Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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