oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
