there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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