it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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