omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
