She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
