I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
