Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
