I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
