Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
