was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
