You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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