god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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