Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
