Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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