I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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