Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
