How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
