Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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