She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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