Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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