Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I touched a dick in church today
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