I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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