ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
