so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
