I think i peed on brittanys purse
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
