Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
