her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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