dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
