Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
