In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
