Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
