you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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