WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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