I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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