You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
