Dual....:-)
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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