Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
