Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
