I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
