I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
