the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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