tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
