Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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