Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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