Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
