seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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