guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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