it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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