hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
